


Feelings

by existential1rony



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2019-10-10 12:03:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17425541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/existential1rony/pseuds/existential1rony
Summary: An exploration of Hailey's feelings for Jay after 6x10... and for Adam. A little Upzek, but mostly Upstead... you've been warned.





	1. Chapter 1

Hailey Upton was wrapping up at the precinct and intent on getting the hell out of there for the day. It’s been two hours since her brief conversation with Jay ABOUT Adam, and five hours since Jay had overheard her conversation WITH Adam. All of it was enough to make her head spin.

Once she walked through the door of her townhouse, the first thing she did was pour herself a drink, and quickly went into the living room with it… She didn’t want to drink at her usual spot, the kitchen island, because that’s where she and Jay drank after a particularly hard day. No, tonight was reserved for her to swallow alone in the quiet of her couch.

When she was settled, halfway through the first drink, wrapped in a blanket, and grabbing the whiskey bottle she brought to the coffee table to pour some more… she finally allowed herself to get caught up in her thoughts and feelings. She could almost still feel the tears in her eyes that formed when she had to tell Jay the truth. Her lower lip quivered a little on her next sip and she realized that maybe these tears were fresh. Today was not how she wanted things to go down, for a variety of reasons.

First things first, she was not expecting to have such a reaction to Adam acting so reckless and risking his career (and innocence.) She gets it, he’s loyal to a fault to their unit… maybe that’s the one thing that still draws her in, from what she originally thought was just sexual attraction. She can admit to herself, and him apparently, that she cares for him despite trying not to. That’s what she gets for consistently sleeping with him and seeking comfort in a guy she thought her heart was safe from… because the comfort she seeks in the other guy, her heart definitely isn’t safe...

Her thoughts now turn back to Jay, of course. She wanted sooo bad to not have her partner find out about her and Adam. If she’s being honest, she didn’t want anyone to find out, but especially Jay, and boy did she blow that today… first Voight then her Jay… What is she thinking? He was never “hers,” she wouldn’t allow that… maybe that’s why she finds herself in the predicament she’s in. She’s tried so hard to fight the feelings she’s had for him. Adam has been a great distraction for her, there’s even a part of her that wishes she could feel more for him, instead of for her partner who is eerily similar to herself.

She thinks back to a mere few hours before when she confessed to Jay about what was going on between Adam and her. It was incredibly hard for her to hold back her emotions, especially knowing she’d been lying to someone who not only trusted her, but that she trusts more than anyone else. Hearing Jay tell her that they were good, and would always be, she could tell from his face and voice that it was such a loaded response. She doesn’t feel like she deserves his forgiveness that easily. But, she expects nothing less from Jay… while she truly has no idea how he feels about her, they’ve been dancing around each other long enough to know that _something_ is there …Something that neither of them knows how to address, how to admit it, or whether or not they should. It’s a risk that they’re scared to take, surrounded by work that makes them constantly take risks… oh, the irony. After all, she’s said it herself, “it’s just part of our thing… the thing that works.” She can’t picture her life without Jay’s friendship. It’s one of the only solid things she has, outside of her career. Admitting out loud to wanting something more from it scares the hell out of her; especially since neither of them have the best track record with relationships. Now she’s in fear she screwed up their dynamic entirely with this Adam thing.

While still deep in her thoughts, the doorbell rings. She hops off the couch to answer it and automatically assumes it’s Jay.  When she looks through the peephole, she finds that she’s completely wrong and slightly disappointed. She pulls the door open.

“Adam! Hey! What are you…”

He brushes past her into the foyer, interrupting anything else she was going to say. He seems on edge, like he does when he wants to get things off his chest.

“Hailey, we need to talk about earlier. Y’know, before Jay walked in.”

“Yes, yes we do. Come on.”

She brings him into the living room and they both sit on the couch. She offers him a drink, but he turns it down.

“Look Hailey, I meant everything that I said before. I will do whatever it takes and whatever I have to do to protect our team. I understand why you’re concerned and I appreciate it. But at the same time, that’s just who I am. I want you to know that it doesn’t mean I don’t respect your opinion, because I do. I care about you as well, Hailey, so much, but…”

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before cutting him off.

“Adam, listen, I get it. I do. I know you think I don’t, but I understand loyalties more than most… I just don’t know if ours are in the same place. Before we continue this conversation any further, I think there’s just one question we both have to answer…. ‘Do you care about your loyalty to the team, more than to me?’”

She asks him it, already knowing his answer… because while for different reasoning, she knows where both of their loyalties lie more, and it’s not fair to either of them.  

“Hailey… c’mon, they’re two in the same. You’re part of the team. I’d do anything for you as well if it came down to it.”

“Adam, we both know it’s not the same, and that’s ok! Neither of us is wrong for how we feel and view certain things. “

“I really do care about you Hailey. You’ve been a light in my life recently.”

She gives him a teary-eyed smile because she knows he means it, and she knows she cares a lot about him too… just not as much as she does someone else…

“I know. I know you do. And I meant what I said earlier too… I do care about you Adam, but maybe it’s best if we just take a break from whatever this is for a bit. Maybe some time apart will give us a fresh perspective. Maybe it will make me understand why you’re doing this. Maybe it’ll help you understand my view of things too. “

Adam looks at her sadly, but he nods his head.

“Yea, ok, maybe you’re right. I am gonna miss the locker room benefits though.” He winks and jokes with her, she laughs and slaps his arm.

They walk back over to the front door and give each other a hug goodbye, both hanging on for a while. Then Adam steps out and Hailey closes the door… alone with her thoughts again… she goes to pound another drink and thinks it’s best to go to bed. Put this day to rest already.

Hailey wakes to her alarm at 6:30am and sees she has a text from Jay, telling her he’ll be over in a half hour to pick her up. It was Wednesday, and one of them always picked the other up to hit the gym before work. She smiles at her phone, happy that Jay is still sticking with their tradition, despite yesterday’s events.

She throws on her gym clothes and gets ready. Her mind feels refreshed for the time being, like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. She believes she made the right move with Adam, and she’s also relieved she’s no longer harboring a secret from Jay… well, at least a palpable secret… her feelings for him will continue to stay guarded; a good night’s sleep won’t fix that about her.

She finishes getting ready right as she hears the horn from Jay’s pickup. She throws her gym bag over her shoulder and heads outside. She opens the passenger door to a smirking Jay holding up a cup of coffee for her. She smiles to herself, relieved it all feels so familiar. She knows there will be a little more tension between them now, probably no way to avoid it without delving into a conversation about “them,” but she’s thankful for the small miracles.

He gives her one of his looks, almost like he senses what she’s thinking… like he almost sees straight through to her soul, but all he says is,

“You good?” as he hands her the coffee once she’s buckled.

She looks directly at him and smiles. “Yea. I’m good. Are you?”

He smiles back reassuringly at her and nods up his head knowingly. “We’re good.” He then puts the car in drive and takes off. Both content and assured that at least some things will never change…   



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [A/N: Hailey's thoughts during the Upstead scene in 6X12. And per request, some of Jay's recent thoughts since 6X10 as well. Thanks so much for reading and for all of the kind reviews thus far!  
> PS. I absolutely LOVED Jay & Hailey's moments in 6X12... I honestly feel like they're building them up. Even "PD's" social media account is hardcore promoting them now, haha!]

Hailey was sitting with Jay at the bar after another particularly hard day, especially for Jay. The two of them just can’t seem to catch a break recently, in all aspects of their lives. It’s been a few weeks since Hailey told Adam they should tone down whatever it was they were doing, the same amount of time Jay found out about them. She’s been a little disappointed in herself because she’s been weak… while her and Adam have scaled it back, she still finds herself hooking up with him occasionally for the distraction of it all. Not near the amount of what it was, but not over completely yet. She hasn’t discussed this with anyone else… Jay, he still only knows what she confessed to him that night. The two of them don’t dare talk about the logistics of her “relationship” with Adam, nor does either of them want to bring it up, period.  As for everyone else, they’re still none the wiser, especially now that Adam and her have “cooled down” somewhat.

It’s been good for her that things with Jay have been as normal as they can be, all things considered, since he found out. Their friendship is still as strong as ever, and on the nights that she feels her emotions for Jay are too overwhelming and bottled up… well, Adam is a phone call away for a nice diversion.  Sometimes she hates herself for it all, feeling like she’s living two lives… the Hailey that is scared to come to terms with her feelings for Jay… and the Hailey that has a fun time with Adam pretending the rest of the drama doesn’t exist. Well, at least it didn’t until he decided to fall on the sword for Antonio… she doesn’t want to handle dealing with that, along with everything else. She feels a little bad that she knows a part of her is just using Adam, but she gets the feeling that he’s equally doing it to her to avoid all of his own unresolved feelings with Kim. If someone had told Hailey when she was college-aged that romantic relationships in her adult 30’s would have so much drama, she’d have laughed… but, here she is, sitting across from Jay at the bar and wondering why she can’t just figure things out.

They’re on their second drink when they finally decide to discuss the events of today. The first beer it was nice just sitting quietly and enjoying the other’s companionship. That was another of their “things,” they could just sit in silence and feel comfort by just being near each other. Not that either of them would admit that, of course… maybe if they did, it would solve a lot of their problems.

Hailey finally asks him if he’s alright after the day’s events.

“I just keep thinking about Lauren’s mom. She’ll never have closure…” Jay shakes his head at her sadly.

“I get it, but you can’t right every wrong Jay. There’s just some things, some people… ya just gotta let it go.” She realizes the irony of this statement as she says it, but it’s all she’s got.

Jay looks at her questioningly. “How are you supposed to be a good cop and let things go? That’s the point of the job.”

“Point of the job is to do the best that you can. Then you go home, pretend like the bad stuff never happened.” She takes a gulp of her beer, already anticipating Jay’s response to that. She feels his eyes burning into her.

“Is that what you do?”

“No.” She laughs, knowing only Jay knows her enough to not only disbelieve her, but has the balls to call her out on it.

“Yea, I didn’t think so…” he chuckles along with her.

It’s a nice moment, a very ‘them’ moment.  She smiles to herself, happy again that nothing has changed this about them. As she’s thinking that, her phones rings and it’s Adam, of course. She quickly silences it and turns it over. She doesn’t want this time with Jay to be interrupted by the self-inflicted drama she’s caused. She realizes it’s too late because she already senses Jay stiffen, the detective in him deducing.

“Is that Adam?”

She doesn’t want to admit it, but without dare looking at him, she resigns herself to saying, “yea.” She promised herself she wouldn’t lie to him again. She hopes Jay just ignores pushing the subject and they can go on with their night. Instead he says the one thing that completely shocks her,

“You should go.” He tells her with one of his unconfident, hesitant looks; but adamant enough that it’s not up for discussion.

She stares into his eyes and nods slowly. He stares right back. It’s almost as if she’s waiting for him to tell her to stay. She doesn’t want to leave him, which is why she ignored her phone in the first place. She’s disappointed when Jay doesn’t. She can sense he’s only trying to seem okay with it all and doesn’t want her to leave, but he doesn’t make a move at all. She guesses she can’t blame him… she made this bed and now she has to lie in it. She gives him one more look, a last chance for him to speak up, both of their eyes pleading, but he just smirks at her. She resigns and grabs her coat.

“I’ll see ya later.” She says indifferently as she starts to walk away. When she gets to the door she turns back around to see Jay slump his shoulders and stare off sadly at his beer. Hailey #1 wants to turn back around and tell him that they both need to wake and grow up… Hailey #2 has already accepted the defeat of their hidden feelings and wants to continue to run from them… unfortunately, it’s the latter version that wins out again. Maybe sometime soon, the first can finally win…

* * *

 

Jay continues to stare depressingly at his beer. He’s pissed at himself that he even brought up the phone call to Hailey. He knows he did the right thing by telling her to go, but wishes he just kept his mouth shut once she silenced the call. She’d clearly still be sitting with him right now. This is what he gets for constantly being unselfish.

He thinks back to a few weeks ago when his whole world shifted out from under him. Adam had gotten himself into trouble again by admitting to having part in the death of a suspect… the suspect that kidnapped Antonio’s daughter. It was clear to everyone in the unit that Adam & Voight concocted some kind of a cover-up for him, and tensions were high, but no one dared speak of it. Until of course he caught Hailey confessing to Adam that she was angry because she cared for him. Talk about a blow he wasn’t expecting. After all, why should he care who his partner was sleeping with?

Of course, he’d been lying to himself for a long time… because while he shouldn’t care, he did, TOO MUCH. There was a part of him that thought he had been developing feelings for Hailey for a while, but he just chalked it up to being perpetually single and her being a female he was close to. Once he caught her with Adam though, he knew he’d just been in denial this whole time. He was so jealous, but he didn’t want to dare admit it to himself, nor especially to her. No, Hailey deserves happiness; she doesn’t need him confusing and complicating things. This is why when she confessed to him outside the interrogation room, he promised her that they were good. It was an emotional conversation for both of them. He could tell she was upset with herself that she didn’t tell him, and he could also swear there was more to the tears in her eyes, but he didn’t want to read too much into it.

He’d been down this road with a partner before, and he remembers all too well how that turned out. Plus, he was already much closer to Hailey as a friend than he ever was with Erin, and he can’t imagine losing that if he screwed up. He doesn’t think he can handle that. It’s just better for both of them if he continues to pretend there’s nothing more between Hailey and him. He wants to always be there for her, he intends to always be there for her, he’s not gonna be dumb enough to fuck it up. Plus, she’s with Adam and she seems to care for him, she doesn’t need him to throw a wrench in that. Whatever feelings he has for her, he has to keep them buried.  He tells himself it’s to protect her, but his subconscious knows it’s to protect himself just as much.

He takes a big swig of beer and thinks back again to their moment just before. He could almost swear she was waiting for him to tell her not to go. He saw her hesitate before leaving. He can’t help himself from wondering what would have happened if he grabbed her arm and kissed her. Would she kiss him back? Or would she Hailey-out and practically clock him one? He shakes his head; he shouldn’t even be having a thought like that. How did things become so complicated? Part of him wishes he could go back to the days when he was first getting to know Hailey, when he wasn’t quite sure he trusted her and was suspicious on why she kept trying to push him to get help. At the time, he assumed she just wanted to cover her ass from getting stuck with a deadbeat partner. But he’d never been more wrong, she really did care. In fact, next to Will or Mouse, she probably cared about his mental well-being more than anyone else… despite how he pushed her away. And now he was almost pushing her away again… He swallows the rest of his beer with one gulp, throws some cash for tip on the bar, and runs out the door, more depressed than when he entered. It’s all too much for him to continuing thinking about tonight…


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [A/N: Jay and Hailey's thoughts in the aftermath of 6X14. Sometimes you just need to seek solace and comfort in those you're closest to. Thanks so much again for all of the reads & lovely reviews... hopefully the show will give us more quality Upstead moments soon! I'll try to do another chapter of my "Undercover Blues" story soon too.]

Jay is sitting on his couch, nursing his beer, with the TV on low to some late-night sports game; but he's so lost in his thoughts he has no idea who is playing. It's been hours, but for the life of him he can't get the image of Hailey, blood dripping down her face, out of his head. When he first saw her like that, relief flooded him, just for the simple fact that she was alive. The relief was short-lived; once realizing seeing her like _that_ , bloodied & beaten, really kicked in and made him think how close they'd come, and especially he'd come, to losing her.

The entire day his heart had been beating with such fear that they wouldn't find Hailey and Kim in time. It was to be expected of course, everyone was worried; they all loved each other like family. From the outside looking in, it would appear that Adam would be the most distraught… after all, one was his ex-fiancé and the other he was currently sleeping with. But even though he hid it well, Jay would bet an argument could be made that _he_ was the most worried… _he_ would be the one losing his partner, _he_ would be the one losing a close friend (probably his closest), _he_ would be the one losing his only confidant, _he_ would be the one losing the person he was too scared to admit he was falling in love with. And honestly, he's not sure how he would have survived if things didn't turn out as positively as they did. The thought of never being able to see or talk to Hailey again scares him to his very core.

He takes another sip of his beer and continues to ponder off. If it wasn't for Adam, he'd be with her tonight, consoling her and making sure she was okay, emotionally and physically. He feels the hint of jealousy arise again and tries to swallow it away. He knows he has no right, it's not like he ever made a move or made it known how he really felt; still, he can't help it. Even now, even though he figures she's in good hands, he still feels like he has to check on her to make sure. To be fair, that's supposed to be _their_ thing anyway.

After mulling it over some more, knowing he won't get to sleep if he doesn't, Jay thinks "fuck it" and decides to text Hailey. He's at least making sure just to message, instead of calling, not wanting to overstep since Adam is probably with her. He lets out another sigh of frustration at that as he grabs his phone.

"Hey, sorry to bother you, just wanted to make sure you're ok again?" he quickly types.

"I'm good. Why would you be a bother?" Hailey responds rather quick, surprising Jay.

"Nah, it's nothing… I just wanted to check in."

"You sure? You're not normally a texter." She responds.

He takes a few beats to formulate his response. It must have taken a bit longer than he thought because suddenly Hailey is calling him. He smiles as he sees her name pop across the screen and quickly answers.

"Hey! Sorry, I didn't mean for you to have to call, I just… I wanted to make sure you're okay."

"Jay, you usually call. You always call. You CAN always call. Why would you be a bother?" she asks him, her suspicions obviously on alert from his texts.

"Yea, I know, but I just figured with the day you had, you and Adam were probably going to sleep soon. I thought it'd be better to text."

There's a long pause from her before she finally responds. The silence is deafening on the line, but Jay patiently waits, wondering what she could be pondering.

"Adam's not here. I told him I just wanted the night to myself to regroup and rest." She finally says.

"Oh, I see." Jay voices before there's another long pause between them.

Both ends of the phone are contemplating their next words, ignoring the awkward silence.

"Well, I don't mean to keep you Hailey. Just, you sure you're good?"

"I'm fine." She says hesitantly.

"Ok then, well, I guess I'll… see you tomorrow."

"Yea…"

Instead of hanging up, there's another long beat between them, before Hailey speaks again.

"Actually Jay…"

"Yea?"

"You wanna come over for a bit? I could use some company."

"Sure, I'll be there in 20!"

Jay hangs up the phone after she tells him ok, and for the life of him he can't stop the smile that forms on his face.

* * *

Hailey is lounging on her couch as she waits for Jay to arrive, frozen peas at her side. While the swelling of her cheek has gone down from hours before, the bruising has begun to form, making her whole face ache. All things considered, it could be a lot worse. Physically, she'll be fine within a week or so. As for emotionally, well, that department is a little trickier, but not for what people would expect. While getting abducted, beaten, and not knowing if you're going to make it is traumatizing, she's actually handling all that rather well. The tricky part comes into play when thinking about the only thing she was in fear about with losing her life (outside of worrying about Kim's) – and that was she wouldn't get a chance to say goodbye to Jay. Lying there on the freezing cold floor, blood seeping down her cheek, while almost losing consciousness; and her only thoughts were about not seeing her partner again. Go figure! Even all the crazy with Kim and Adam the day had started with weren't making the cut on her near-death reel. The worst part of all these thoughts, she knew she couldn't confess them. Even now, while waiting for Jay to arrive, she tries to bury those feelings of today deep down. What a mess that would be at this point.

While she knows she has to contain those thoughts, she is completely relieved that she at least managed to get Adam to agree to leave her alone tonight. She feels kind of bad, she knows how worried he must have been and that he just wants to be there for her, but having him with her tonight just didn't feel right. She knows even more should be read into the fact that she just invited Jay over, but she really doesn't want to analyze it yet. She's aware how she's felt about her partner all these months, and it became even more obvious today, but some things shouldn't be spoken out loud. There will be a time someday, but it's not now. And it's certainly not the time after that mortifying speech from Voight. Man, she really knows how to make a mess of things. Hailey couldn't be more thankful when she hears the knock on her door, to get her out of these thoughts, and to get to see him.

She smiles as she lets Jay in and he smiles back at her. Almost as if they're reading the others thoughts, in mutual agreement to not voice them.

"Your face is looking a little better from this afternoon. You're looking real badass now!" he says to her as he steps through to the kitchen, missing her eye roll at him.

"Yea, it's still pretty sore, but I'm sure it could be feeling a lot worse." She responds as she grabs them two beers and they make their way to the living room.

They plop on her couch and peacefully sip their beers for a bit, just enjoying each other's company. Jay is the first to speak again.

"So, anything you want to talk about? I can only imagine how you must have been feeling today."

"I'm… doing ok actually." Jay gives her his 'yea right' look and she gives him a reassuring smile.

"No, really! Being abducted by amateur losers is definitely trying, but I'm fine considering. To be honest, I was more worried about Kim anyway… and had a lot of other thoughts on my mind."

Jay seems to ponder this for a bit. He starts to pull slightly at the paper on his bottle.

"Yea, I'll bet. How did the talk with Kim go actually?" he says.

Hailey finds it ironic that Jay's mind goes there and is amused by the fact.

"It surprisingly wasn't too bad. I think it was a conversation we both handled pretty well. I mean, her better than me of course. I am the one who has now been with her ex."

Jay swallows another sip of beer. "Yea, I figured she'd be fine. They've been broken up for a while now. We don't pine over our exes forever. Certain things make us move on eventually."

He looks into her eyes and she looks back, she's well aware of the implications of that loaded response. Nonetheless, she breaks eye contact first and gives a small nod.

"Yea…"

They're silent for a minute, neither wanting to say something too revealing.

"So… speaking of, how come you didn't want Adam over tonight?"

"I don't know. I just… I didn't want to be treated like a damsel in distress, y'know? He means well, but, there's nothing really to say. I'm alive. Kim's alive. And we'll both be fine. I don't need to be fussed over."

"That's fair… I have a confession to make though…"

She looks at him, waiting patiently for him to gather his words.

"You really scared me today, partner. The thought of losing you… I've never been more scared in my life! I know you guys can handle yourselves, and part of me knew you'd be fine… but the part of me that didn't…" he chokes up slightly.

Showing emotion he normally only shows her, she knows just how to calm him. She lightly places her hand on his knee to give extra reassurance for her following words.

"I know, Jay. But, I'm fine. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. It's going to take you a lot more to get rid of me… YEARS, at least!" she jokes with him.

He smiles back at her, just nodding, too afraid he'll break down if he says anything else. She knows this, she's aware, and honestly, she's too scared herself to say anymore. This moment is enough.

Hailey switches the TV to a reair of the Hawks game from earlier and they lean back into the couch quietly and comfortably. After a while, Hailey lightly rests her head on Jay's shoulder. Soon enough, all the pain meds finally catch up to her and she falls asleep. Jay spends a while studying her, relishing that she's here, she's ok, and she's leaning on him. He rests his head faintly onto hers and the exhaustion of the emotionally draining day finally catches up to him as well. Despite the abnormal sleeping conditions, it's the most peaceful night's rest either has had in a while. The partners will live to fight another day tomorrow…


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [A/N: Some Jay & Hailey thoughts after the EPIC Upstead moment in 6X15. I really hope this means that we'll get the writers putting them together by season's end, it's so obvious they're gearing it in that direction... I have more hope now than ever, but I don't want to get played either, haha. Anyway, sorry this one is a little shorter, but had to get something out for this scene. Thanks again for reading, & hoping to post another story soon!]

Jay watched Platt leave the Observation Room as Hailey walked in, slightly content that they’ll be able to help out Suggs’ family some. He also can’t stop the warmth that ran through his chest when Hailey walked over; she really had his back today, more than anyone else, even though all signs pointed against his opinion. No matter what, she’s always there for him. It’s something that still surprises him and shakes him to his core.

Once he hears her say, “You were right to trust your instincts,” he knows it’s his opportunity to finally ask what he’s been dying to all day.

“Why’d you back me? You let me talk Aidan down, when probably, it didn’t make sense to.”

She shrugs, as if it baffled as why he’d be confused that she did. “…You looked at me... with Aidan… You looked at me and I got it. I trusted you!”

Jay stares at her, even more stunned about how adamant she is about trusting him. Of course, he feels the same way about her, but his thoughts get interrupted as she actually continues to expand upon things.

“I’ve trusted you from the day I met you… And if I was gonna follow someone blind, I’d follow you!”

She looks at him, earnestly and vulnerably, and Jay almost can’t handle it. He stares down at her, a mix of surprise and awe. He knows this revelation is something that Hailey would not reveal normally, nor lightly, and his heart constricts even more. He needs a second to gather his thoughts; he’d love to give her a response just as epic. He’s a few seconds too long though, because as Hailey notices his reaction, she also realizes how much she just put out there between them.

She averts her eyes, gives one last small smile and nod, and with a quick, “I’ll see ya later” swiftly walks out of the room.

Jay is left standing there staring after her with all the things he wants to say, and all the emotions he’s feeling, and all he can muster out is, “Yeah…”

He continues to stare off into the now empty doorway, still trying to process everything. Part of him realizing (or hoping for) the underlying meaning of Hailey’s words, but completely befuddled because he knows she’s got Adam. He thinks he’s over-thinking it. It’s probably nothing, she’s just being a great partner like she always is. Still, he can’t help but feel that there’s more to this story. As all these thoughts swirl through his head, he finally gathers courage to walk out of the room and grab her again… wanting to continue this conversation before this moment, like so many others, passes again.

He turns the corner and stops in his tracks. Adam is now by Hailey at the end of the hallway and Jay overhears him asking her about going to grab a drink. She nods back at Adam and the two start walking towards the bullpen, but not before Hailey senses Jay staring at them. She turns back around slightly and gives Jay a sad smile, and as quickly as she turned around she’s forward again, Jay staring off at the back of her head… her body walking further and further away from him. And even though Jay will never admit it, it takes everything in him to not drop against the wall and let the emotions over-take him. He can’t help but feel he lost another perfect chance, in constant fear that there’ll never be a next…

* * *

 

Hailey sits at a table at Molly’s with Adam, physically there, but mentally, far, far away. Adam doesn’t seem to notice though, he rarely does. He can’t tap into Hailey’s hidden emotions like Jay can, which is probably one of the things she enjoys the most. The latter scares the hell out of her. Still, she can’t help the huge part of her that wishes it was Jay she was sitting across from right now. She knows it’s wrong to think, the second it crosses her brain, but she can’t help it.

Hailey’s mind started drifting back to her moment with Jay an hour before. She couldn’t stop the words from pouring out of her. She knew Jay questioned himself all day, constantly looking towards her for reassurance but not voicing it. Honestly, it was something he had from her no matter what. Which is why she had to make sure he knew that, especially today. She meant to just end it with trusting him, but her telling him she’d follow him no matter what came from the portion of her heart she tries to keep locked away. She realized it the second she saw Jay’s reaction. It was a reaction that both scared and intrigued her, but too big for her to stay and hash out at this time. She tries to bring herself back to the present, only to realize that Adam is talking about Jay too.

“I still can’t believe Jay was right about those kids. I can’t ever imagine me thinking one of our prime suspects could be so innocent like that.” He says.

Hailey nods her head, realizing again just how different Adam and Jay are from each other. They really are almost complete opposites, and she internally shakes her head again at how complicated and confusing her life has become.

“You seemed to believe him though… that’s a sign of a good partner.” He continues on.

“Yea. He needed someone in his corner and I trust his judgment.”

“That’s good. Jay needs someone like that in his life. He hardly opened up to any of us before you came along.”

She casually smiles at him, quickly thinking of anything to change the subject. She’d rather not talk about her relationship with Jay to Adam, or with anyone for that matter. It was their thing that she didn’t want to share with anyone else.

“Hey, did you see Herman got that new beer from Idaho in finally? Stella told me it’s delicious.”

“Yea? Let me go grab us two then.” Adam says and walks away to go up to the bar.

Hailey breathes a sigh of relief. She really just wants to be alone right now and seek solace in her couch, already decided she’s gonna call it a night after this next beer. As she watches Adam converse with Herman, she can’t stop herself from pulling out her phone. She opens the messaging app and stares down at Jay’s name. It takes everything in her to not text him. No, she can’t reach out to him again today… things are already… too complicated. She lets out a depressed sigh this time and puts her phone back in her pocket. She looks around the bar and wants to be anywhere else… or anywhere with Jay… and it’s all too much for her to accept…


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [A/N: Some Hailey thoughts and time with Jay after 6X16. Figured we could all use some since it'll be a month before we see these two on our screens again. Thanks again for continuing to read and for all the positive vibes!]

Hailey was wrapping up at her desk and couldn’t wait to get home for the day. It was another stressful and emotional case and her heart strings pulled for Voight… and poor Lexi. This job seemed to be getting harder by the day and she just wanted to get out of there. She’s grabbing her coat off the hanger when Jay walks over.

“Where you off to?” he asks her.

She gives him her sarcastic smile, “Home…”

“Yea, I don’t think so…” he looks at her, smirking and concerned.

“What do you mean?”

“C’mon, let’s grab a drink first… y’know, do our thing. Today was a long one and I know ya can use one.”

She’s surprised there’s not a part of her that wants to tell him no, after all, it was just moments ago she was thinking about unwinding alone. She’s learned a long time ago though that unwinding with _him_ always makes her feel better, and out of anyone he’s the hardest for her to refuse anything.

“Yea, ok. Meet ya at The Ivy?”

Once Jay agrees she walks out to her car and sits there for a few minutes mulling things over. It’s been a couple of weeks since the case with Suggs and laying it all out to Jay how much she trusts him. The two of them haven’t really hung out much since. Things between them have been… different recently. Since that day it’s been harder for them to ignore the emotions bubbling beneath the surface with each other. She certainly has no desire to broach the subject, especially since she’s still _sorta_ seeing Adam; and she knows damn well that Jay is not going to confront it. With all that, it’s just been easier to keep their relationship to just the professional side… but she’s missed their hangouts terribly and is quite excited that they’ll have tonight, despite the dire reasons behind it.

By the time Hailey gets to the bar, Jay is already waiting inside for her with her favorite beer. She takes a moment to watch him before he sees her and she smiles to herself. She’s also aware that her heartbeat revs up a little the closer she gets to reaching him... shit, she’s gotta get a handle on her feelings. She shakes it off and heads over to the bar table where he’s sitting. Once he catches sight of her, his face lights up with a humorous grim.

“Geez Hailey, what’d you get lost? I thought you left before me?”

She smiles back. “Sorry, I was warming up my car…” …and _thinking about you_ , she silently says to herself.

She takes a long sip of the beer he got her and nods her thanks at him. They sit amicably for a couple of minutes, just enjoying each other’s company and sipping their beers.

“So…” they both say at the same time and laugh. Jay nods at her to go.

“Poor Voight, I can’t imagine what he’s going through. He’s lost _soo_ many people that he’s cared about. I can’t imagine going through that so many times. Maybe it’s a good thing I keep my walls up…”

Her voice is laced with such sadness and hidden meaning; which doesn’t go unnoticed by Jay, but he knows her well enough to know to step around it, at least for tonight, and especially because he relates.

“Yea, he’s had a rough go of things since I’ve known him… guess it’s part of the job after so many years. And now that he doesn’t have Al to talk to anymore… I don’t know. But, he’ll get through it, he always does.” He says to her reassuringly.

“Yea… it’s days like today that make me really glad _we_ have _this_ …” Hailey says as she looks down, picking at her beer bottle, only to glance up and see Jay staring at her like he did a couple weeks ago. She stares back into his eyes and the moment is quick, but feels like a lifetime for them.

Jay breaks away first, taking a sip of his beer and saying, “Yea…”

“So, speaking of that… you good? I know today was rough for you too. I know you wanted to give those dancers a better outcome.” He asks her.

She smiles internally again, still shocked how well he knows and can read her. He’s right of course. She feels the cops let all those girls down, and even though she wasn’t personally responsible, she wished she could have caught the guy AND returned their friend back to them. Unfortunately, only the former worked out… she slightly tears up as she thinks of Lexi lying there motionless, Voight trying obsessively to revive her. Jay notices her mood change instantly and quickly puts his hand atop of hers comfortingly.

“Yea… well, at least we caught the son of a bitch. But, Lexi and those poor girls… no one had their back. Police are supposed to serve and protect… and none of them did! Had they just done _their job_ , this all could have been put to rest years ago… what’s the point?” she says meekly.

“Hailey, the point is that _you_ do _your_ job, _you_ do _your_ best… Yea, it didn’t work out in our favor today, but so many others have been saved because of you. And that dancer today for once knew that if any cop was finally looking out for her and meant it, it was you…”

Hailey looks at him in awe, he always knows the right things to say to get her back into perspective and start feeling better. There’s never been anyone in her life before him that could do that, not even Garrett… It scares the crap out of her and warms her all at the same time. She squeezes his hand in thanks and releases a deep breath.

“…Enough about me. How are you handling everything today? It was great that you stopped Voight from getting completely out of hand today. That’s all he needs, to be in bigger trouble on top of everything else.”

“Yea, we’ve all been there, and we can all use someone to pull us back from the brink sometimes…”

They stare at each other again, as if staring through their souls and feeling each unspoken thing left unsaid.

“I am glad it wasn’t me who needed to be calmed today though.” He says.

She looks at him perplexed, “What do you mean?”

“I thought I was gonna murder that son of a bitch myself today… when he almost caught you with the tracker and started talking to you, it took every ounce of self-control I had to not run out of the truck and beat him to a pulp.”

She smiles at him knowing that he means every word and touched that he’s always so concerned about her.

“Y’know I can handle myself, Jay.”

“Yea, I know. But still…”

“Yea. I get it.” She says and they both grin at each other.

They sit there silently for a bit, letting the feelings settle and casually sipping their beers, when Hailey’s phone starts to vibrate on the table. It quickly gets awkward between them again, much like that night a month or so ago, but they power through.

“Adam?” he asks, both feeling the déjà-vu.

“Yea…”

He takes another sip of his beer before he speaks, she can tell he’s contemplating his next words.

“It’s ok. We can wrap this up if ya want. Ours beers are about done anyway.”

Hailey looks at Jay similar to how she looked at him the last time they were in this situation, pondering herself. Only this time she’s more confident to know that Jay is just acting like he’s okay with it all. And unlike last time, she finds herself wanting to run away from the feelings she has for him less and less… which is a different problem entirely, but one that she can solve at a later time. Mind made up, she texts Adam back quickly and returns her full attention to Jay.

“No, I’m good here… I haven’t been seeing much of Adam recently anyway.” She says, and notices the quick sigh of relief Jay makes as she says that, even though he swiftly covers it.

“Want to talk about it?” he asks her.

“No…” and they both chuckle

“…but, I’d love another beer!” she shakes her empty bottle at him.

“Coming right up!” he beams at her as he gets up from the table to get them another round.

Hailey watches Jay walk up to the bar, suppressing a grin & still having no idea how she should handle this whole situation, or the feelings she’s been repressing for so long - but she is certain that for tonight at least, she made the right decision…


	6. Chapter 6

_[A/N: A brief glimpse of some Hailey thoughts after the 6X17 episode. Sorry for the shorter chapter, but they really didn't give much Upstead to work with in this latest episode, unfortunately. Hopefully the final episodes of this season bring great things! Thanks so much for following along & continuing to read, much appreciated!]_

* * *

Jay and Hailey were sitting around her kitchen table, empty take-out containers strewn about, and glasses with tequila on the rocks in hand. It had been another long day and another crazy and emotional case, especially for Voight.

"You wanted to punch Williard today, didn't you?" Hailey asks.

"Only as much as you did!" he replies as they smile and nod at each other.

She thinks back to hours before when they were listening in to Voight trying to talk Darius down. They were standing right by Williard when they found out the person he really was. Another corrupt asshole who was supposed to protect those troubled kids, but instead sold them out for his benefit. She and Jay just looked at each other after Williard half-assed tried to explain. The look was all it took, as usual; they both could read what the other was thinking. It was a tough situation to hear and witness, but she was glad to have Jay next to her during it. As much as they both wanted to kill him, they knew they had to stay in the boundaries. It made her think that if Adam was there, he may not have controlled his anger and did something rash and stupid; reminding her again of which guy she was always more on the same page with. Not that it matters because apparently she's too stubborn to do anything or figure things out.

"At least he'll be behind bars for a long time now… maybe he'll get a taste of his own medicine like all the kids he sold out did!" Jay says.

"Let's hope so… for Darius' sake, and every other boy he screwed over from getting a real shot to reform themselves, and for Voight…" she says, shaking her head and taking another sip of her drink.

"Voight, man. You were right, guy can't catch a break. Not that a lot of us have had an easy go of things working this job, but still."

"Yea, I wish there was something we could do for him. At least he has Adam I guess, attempting to fill Al's shoes…" she says slightly bitterly.

"I'm sensing some resentment there… you still don't want to talk about it?" he asks.

"No, what's to talk about? Adam's Adam… he's always been more off the rails than us. He idolized Voight and Al. Besides, it's not something you and I should be discussing anyway."

"What do you mean? You can talk to me about anything, Hailey, you know that!"

"I know, but, not this… it's awkward…"

He purses his lips at her and nods his head, understanding what she means. He wants to ask her to expand upon those thoughts, but he holds back… for which she is completely grateful. She can't discuss her relationship, or whatever it is, with Adam, with him. For one, she practically burst into tears when Jay found out about it and she had to confess… and for two, she can't stand how he looks anytime the subject of her and Adam comes up, she swears Jay looks heartbroken; and whether it's wishful thinking or not, she can't handle seeing him like that. She wonders for the millionth time this year how she got herself into this whole mess. It's what she deserves for running from her true feelings…

"Hailey, I just want to let you know that whenever you're ready… to _talk_ … I'll be here. I'll always be here for you!"

He says it with such emotion that she _knows_ there must be a double meaning behind it. She's not ready to handle it right now though. She has to get the Adam situation in order first. Then all cut ties have to be clean. And _then_ , she has to allow herself to stop running and let in all the emotions she's been trying to avoid dealing with. And this is if everything goes perfectly… which has yet to be shown to exist working in Intelligence or her shitshow of a life in general. Things could and should be so much simpler if it wasn't for her stubbornness and fears… but, that's life in a nutshell. For tonight, she's just glad her partner is the most understanding person she's ever met.

She reaches her hand across the table and softly puts it over his, allowing this one brief and revealing glimpse.

"I know, Jay, I know… I'll always be here for you too… no matter what or who else comes along!"

They stare at each other and smile softly, knowing full well that one day they both need to talk… whether it comes sooner or later, it's bound to happen at some point…


	7. Chapter 7

_[A/N: A hodgepodge of Hailey and Jay thoughts after 6X18, and even a little Adam thrown in. Again, no real Upstead in this episode, but we will prevail! Hope this helps hold you over some until we get our next moment with them. Thank you kindly for all of your reads & reviews!] _

* * *

Hailey was out to dinner with Adam at her favorite place downtown, but no amount of comfort food could help her mood at the moment. She and Kevin had just shipped off Alyssa a few hours ago, to Alyssa's dismay. Hailey feels horrible, especially since she's the one who convinced her to talk and come forward. She owed it to her to protect her like she said she would, and she failed. The past couple months have just been completely frustrating… especially the job front, but all the personal drama that's been conflicting her certainly isn't helping. She continues to pick at her food quietly as Adam reaches his hand over to stroke her wrist.

"Hailey, I know you and Kev are upset… Hell, I wanna strangle Kelton myself, but you can't dwell on it all night." He says to her.

"Adam, we literally just sent her off a couple hours ago, away from everyone she knows, away from her now motherless nieces she swore to be there for, with no answers in sight. I can't just pretend it didn't happen."

"I get it, but what can we do? Maybe we should have let her still testify if that's what she really wanted."

"And what, let her risk getting shot up walking down the street, minding her own business, just like her sister?"

"I'm just saying, people should be free to make their own decisions. You and Kevin helped her as much as you could, but at the end of the day she should be able to choose what she wants."

Hailey shakes her head at that. She knows Adam is only trying to be caring and make her feel better, but it's not helping all that much. There's a small part in the back of her mind wondering if this conversation isn't helping because his name isn't Jay. She knows it's a horrible thought to have, which is why she keeps trying to push it away, but she can't help feel that Jay always knows what to do or say to make her feel better. He just understands, he gets her mentality, and really it's more therapeutic than anything else…. Knowing there's someone out there who never judges you or your decisions and always has your back. All of this is starting to frustrate her even more because she's with Adam. And he deserves her full attention at the moment, especially since he's trying to be there for her. He doesn't deserve to get constantly compared to her partner, even if it's only in her head.

"I appreciate all that you're trying to do Adam, I just think I'll need a little time for this case to settle with me. Maybe a good night's sleep will do the trick. Hopefully Kevin is dealing with it better than I am."

"Actually, he texted me a few minutes ago. Wanted to know if he and I could grab drinks later. I didn't respond yet because I didn't want to leave you hanging tonight."

"No, please, go! I'll be fine. He's your best friend and needs you. Besides, I kind of just want to go home, decompress, and get to bed early."

"Bed and you in the same sentence… you're talking my language girl! I don't know that Kev can top that!" he jokes, getting her to chuckle.

"Oh yea, I'm sure I'll be a real sexy companion tonight!" she smiles back sarcastically.

"You sure you'll be ok though? You can come out with us, I'm sure Kev would love it, it's been forever since we all hung out."

"Nah, you go, I'm fine! We can rain check a group hangout." She assures him, and even though she's full of it, he believes her. He has no reason not to, she's great at concealing things… there's only one person she knows who can fully see right through it…

"Okay, sounds good. Hey, maybe you can call up Jay? Do your thing?" he suggests.

"Yea, maybe… I'm probably just gonna call it a night though…"

She contemplates his last sentence, relieved that he's still fine with all the time she spends with Jay, and that no drama has arisen, at least from that. And as much as she would love to see Jay tonight, she's going to resist because it's gotten to be too much confliction on her heart recently. She has to figure out how to deal with all these feelings… she knows she owes it to Adam, to Jay, and to herself… but it won't be tonight, she's hurting enough already.

* * *

Jay has just arrived back to his apartment, spent from the work day which has been the usual recently. It's felt like the cases have gotten harder and harder, or maybe it's his at odds emotions that just make it seem that way. He knows this one hit Hailey extra hard again today; he could see it in her eyes when they were leaving. He just wanted to pull her aside and wrap his arms around her for however long it took… but he knows it's not his place. Not anymore. She has Adam for that now. Not that it ever really was his place, but things were simpler months ago before he knew that relationship existed. His feelings for her were simpler. He was able to deny them to himself, something he can no longer do. He sometimes swears she must feel it too, but he can't cross that line… it was confusing enough before Adam, he doesn't want to disrespect his bro in addition. He lets out a frustrated sigh.

Convinced he's hanging in for the night, he grabs a beer from his fridge and plops down on his love seat. He wishes he could get a better handle on things… falling for another partner was stupid, stupid, stupid. Of course, there was nothing he could do to resist… he feels as if Hailey was fated to come into his life, and since she has it's been so much better, their recent situation aside. He knows she needs someone tonight, even if she denies it, and he sooo wants to be that person… but she's probably with Adam, and he can accept that, he has to… as long as she's seeking comfort. He just wants her to be okay tonight, to be happy, in general, even if it's not with him. He takes a long sip of his beer and turns on the TV.

He feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and pulls it out to read the message, part of him hoping it's her. It's from Kevin inviting him to go out to the bar with Adam and him. He instantly sits up and leans forward to study the message, confused… If Adam is with Kevin that means Hailey is probably alone. She can't be alone, not tonight, even if she wants and says it. He knows today devastated her, each recent case being let down after let down. There's a few components to his thoughts right now… one being anger, mad that Adam would actually leave her. However it dissipates soon because he knows how stubborn Hailey can be, and that she probably forced Adam away with assurance she was fine. The second being relief, that he can again be that person for her tonight. He knows there's no stopping him from seeing her at this point if he tried. He quickly texts Kevin back that he's going to pass, and grabs his keys again. Before he knows it, he's en route to Hailey's.

When he arrives, he runs up her outside steps and knocks loudly. He didn't alert her that he was coming, knowing it would be pointless because she'd just try to resist. After all, she once told him this was "their thing" and he's just following in her footsteps. She opens the door after a minute with noticeable tears in her eyes, her cheeks visibly puffy from crying. She just looks at him and he sees her lip tremble, and he knows he made the right choice, he knows she's glad he came.

"Jay…" she manages to say quietly, but he stops her before she can continue.

He doesn't say anything, just steps inside to wrap his arms around her in a big hug. Maybe their first hug if he thinks about it. That's all it takes for her walls to come crumbling down and she starts crying again into his chest. She cries for Alyssa and the broken promises, for Devin, for Lexi, for Voight, for Suggs, even for Darius… she cries for the emotional confusion of the past few months, for almost losing Jay, for his dad, for Al… she cries because it's suddenly gotten too hard to keep up the strong façade 24/7 and try to be there for _everyone_ … she cries because it's Jay, and he's the only one she feels comfortable with to let see her like this. And through all of it, Jay just holds her tighter. He doesn't speak, he doesn't pry, doesn't grow impatient, just lets her let it all out. Neither knows how long they stand there in her hallway like that, but it doesn't much matter. They both know that they'll always be there for the other, no matter how long it takes, or how long they have to wait…


	8. Chapter 8

_[A/N: Here's a 6x19 update for you, involving our two faves. Again, there wasn't much Upstead in this episode, but I'm excited for the final 3… with all the stuff I've heard teased about the "love triangle" now, & hearing that someone has a spoiler that something good happens with Upstead in the finale, it better not disappoint. I think maybe Jay will finally confess his feelings. Also, I love all the Tracy interviews this year; she's def Team Upstead even if she can't say it literally, you can tell she thinks Hailey is better with Jay. It's inevitable at this point. Anyway, thank you so much for all the reviews & following as always… hoping 6x20 gives me some really good content to work with *winks*]_

* * *

Hailey was kneeling over Reverend Dennis' body as if in a daze. It could have been minutes or days that went by as she was in her head. Jay noticed instantly, reassuringly trying to call her name, "Hailey… Hailey…" but he couldn't break through. Finally, he slowly leans down and gently puts his hand on her shoulder, trying to send her comfort. It's the only thing that snaps her out of it. She turns her head slightly to look up at him, finally remembering that he's there with her, she hears the sirens in the distance coming closer. Jay is incredibly worried, she's had to deal with a lot recently, and he doesn't want her to hold anything else in; having no idea what's triggered this current behavior… they're certainly not immune to finding half-dead bodies.

"Hey, you okay?" he soothingly asks.

She finally stands up and steps back from the body… it's too late, Dennis was a dead man long before they arrived. She shakes her head at him.

"Yea… no… it's just, last night seeing Kim with Blair, and now this, it's just stirring up some memories for me…"

Jay gives her a curious look, wondering what they could be and trying to figure out how to make it better for her.

"Want to talk about it?" he asks.

"Not now… when this is all over. We have to focus on and be there for Kim right now, she's the priority!"

"Ok, but later tonight we're going to discuss this… promise me?"

She smiles at him, knowing he won't give up, and is incredibly grateful for that.

"Yes Jay, but you're buying tonight." She jokes, attempting to lighten the mood.

"It's a deal." He manages to get out as uniforms and paramedics storm into the church with them.

They take another few minutes to assist, watching the paramedics pronounce Dennis as a DOA; then head back out to Jay's truck to get back and fill the team in. Both are sad that they're returning to Kim with another dead end, but Jay's thoughts are still mostly all focused on his partner.

Hailey is staring out the window of his truck, obviously still in her own head as well. The ride is silent, Jay knowing not to push her… if she says they'll talk later, they will. He glances over at her every time he stops the car, wanting to assure himself that she's as okay as can be, but she hardly notices for once. He just wants to be there for her always, and more than that if he's being honest, he doesn't care what it will cost him anymore. He is not sure when the right time will be, but he is definitely starting to think it's time to tell her how he truly feels about her. He doesn't know how much longer he can hold it in, even though she's still seeing Adam… they're not right for each other, he knows it, and he knows deep down her and Adam probably know it too. For now though, he just wants to make sure to get her back into a good place.

When they arrive back at the precinct, he quickly runs over to be next to her as they're walking in and squeezes her arm comfortingly again.

"Hey, if this all becomes too much right now, take a break okay… we'll all understand, even Kim."

She gives him one of her smiles and simply says, "Thanks Jay, but I'll be fine…" as she gives his wrist a squeeze of gratitude.

The moment is over before it started because soon enough they're walking with Voight, filling him in.

"I think he was bleeding out for a while…" Jay goes on.

"Looks like Dennis might have known the shooter; he was in the back making tea when it happened…" Hailey continues.

All three of them walking into the bullpen to face Kim… she's all that matters right now. She deserves answers, and they intend to get them for her.

* * *

It's not until the next night that Hailey is answering her front door, expecting Jay with beer in hand. He had still wanted to talk last night, but it had been super late by the time the team decided to call it a night, and Hailey promised him they'd talk the second this case was done. True to both of their words, even though it's already 11pm, they finally both have a moment to breathe and reflect on the interesting turn of events. They crack two beers open and head over to Hailey's couch to plop.

After taking a long sip, Hailey asks, "I can't believe it. You think Price really did it? He destroyed everything he built."

Jay takes a sip as well, contemplating. "I don't know… I don't know if anyone but Voight will ever know. Like so many other things. I do think Price has a good reason for taking the fall if it wasn't him though."

"Yea, he's probably protecting someone he loves… maybe we can all relate…" she says quietly and they share one of their looks and nods.

"I feel so bad for Kim though. At least Kevin… and Adam… have really tried to be there for her." She continues on.

"Yea…" he says simply, giving her a reflective look. She knows he must be trying to decipher how she feels about Adam spending so much time with his grieving ex, but he doesn't ask. Which is odd, but she's appreciative for it because she doesn't want to answer that or have another discussion about Adam. Not because she is jealous of him spending time with Kim, but because it's the exact _opposite_. And she has no desire to share with Jay on why she's so nonchalant on that subject. No, the conversation they're about to have is going to be revealing enough…

"Well, anyway, as much as I love Kim, I'm here for your well-being tonight… don't think you're getting out of this, you promised!" he says to her smiling softly.

"Yea, yea…" she grins back and gives him one of her eyerolls.

"So, what got you so spooked with Dennis yesterday?" he finally asks.

She takes a long time to answer. She slowly sips on her beer, trying to figure out the best way to explain without opening herself _all_ the way. The honest answer is seeing Kim completely emotional leaning over Blair shot and bleeding took her back to the day that was her with Jay. Then, the next day finding Dennis bleeding out and being the one over him trying to help, _really_ brought her back to that horrible day Jay was shot and she feared was bleeding out himself.

"It's just… um… seeing Kim with Blair dying in front of her, then yesterday with Dennis bleeding out, it kind of took me back to the day you were shot…" she says hesitantly.

Jay gives her a curious look, as if shocked that this is the first time he's hearing this.

"What do you mean?"

"It's just, that day, I thought you were dead, Jay…" she takes another quick sip of beer, attempting to not get too chocked up. Her voice still cracks a bit as she continues on. "Before I pulled back your vest, all I saw was blood _everywhere_ , and I thought, 'this is it, he's a goner, _I've_ lost him'"… she quickly catches her slip and recovers, "… _We've_ lost him… and the feeling was so horrible. So all-consuming. I don't know what I would have done had your vest not protected you…" she bites her lip tightly, trying her hardest not to cry.

Jay can tell how emotional and upset she still is over that day, so many months ago now. He places his hand on her knee soothingly, trying to calm her. "Why didn't you ever tell me, Hailey? I had no idea it affected you so much." He honestly says.

"Yea, well…" she shrugs and takes another big gulp. "It's okay… I ended up getting obnoxiously drunk that night and acted foolishly… We all find ways to conquer the demons…"

He doesn't ask, but it clicks with him… he recalls seeing her walk off with Ruzek from the ambo that night, and he's completely shocked. He sincerely had no idea about any of this and he hates himself for it. He can't help but wonder how differently things could have gone for them all had he not been so foolishly reckless.

"Hailey, this is long overdue, but I am so, _so_ sorry!"

"For what?" she's generally wondering.

"For that night, for that week, for pushing you away… It's just, everything with my dad pushed me over again… and I honestly thought that there was no one left who cared if something happened to me. I was an idiot. Judging from the reaction from Voight, and you, and Will, I couldn't have been more wrong… I'm so sorry I even put you in that position…"

"It's okay, Jay, I get it. I can't imagine if something like that happened to one of my parents… but don't dare question again if anyone cares about you… just the thought of losing you Jay…" she bites her lip again and turns her head away so she doesn't break down.

"Hey, hey…" he makes her face him again to show how sincere he is, hoping to ease her fears after all these months. "I'm an idiot ok, but it won't happen again… I promise you won't lose me, ok? I'll never go off rogue and recklessly again…" he contemplates if he should say he's next words, but thinks fuck it, "you're the reason I'll be careful, ok? I'll always make it back to you…"

He wipes the tear that runs down her cheek and they stare at each other, raw and vulnerably, for a long while. This time possibly sharing one of their longest looks ever, the tension in the room is palpable. Hailey breaks the mood first.

"Well, I think I've run up me tear quota for this month, don't you? Pretty soon you're going to have to start charging me for therapy sessions… oh, the irony!" she smiles at him before she looks down and starts self-consciously playing with her beer bottle.

Jay laughs, knowing the moment is over. "I'd never! You are, however, going to have to restock your bourbon… I may have finished the last of it last week and forgot to mention it."

" _Forgot_? Right!.. Jerk!" she teasingly pushes his arm and he smirks at her.

Jay grabs the remote and turns on the TV. Hailey quietly releases a sigh of relief. She has _no_ idea where things are going from here, but she's glad he knows her enough to drop the subject tonight. As he stares intently at the screen, she casually looks over at him, knowing that things are about to become really complicated and interesting the next few weeks. The breaking point is inevitable. Thank God for alcohol.


	9. Chapter 9

_[A/N: Hailey & Jay time after the events of 6x20 and the UPZEK BREAKUP! I don't mean to sound insensitive, but we all knew it was coming... I'm surprised they made it last as long as it did, to be honest. Just another one of my takes on what could have possibly happened between Upstead once the episode ended. Can't wait to see what the final two have in store, as I've heard that's where things get more "complicated" between Halstead & Upton... as I've said, I think there will be a discussion about their feelings before the season ends, setting them up for season 7, Hopefully! :) Thank you so much again for continuing to follow along with this, it means a lot to me!] _

* * *

Jay watched as Adam returned to the bullpen while he was wrapping up at his desk for the night. Just looking at the expression Adam had on his face, _he knew_. Without even a second of thought, he quickly made his way down the steps and out the main exit, hoping to catch Hailey in the back before she left. He made it into the parking garage right as she was done putting her gym bag in the back seat of her car and slamming the door. He could tell that she instantly sensed him approaching because she turned to look directly at him and gave him a sad half-smile. He has no intention of pressing her or pushing her if she isn't ready to discuss what happened.

"Hey…" she token-ly said to him.

He gave her a concerned look and simply said, "You alright?"

"Yea…"

"You want to talk about it tonight?"

She seemed to ponder it in her head for a bit, but then nodded. "Yea… come by in an hour? I'll order us a pizza."

"Sounds good… I'll bring the bottle of bourbon I owe you!" he smiles at her trying to lighten the mood, earning him a soft laugh as her response.

"See ya." She says as she gets into her car, looking like she wants to be as far away from there as possible. He totally gets it.

Once he's watched her drive off, he grabs his keys out of his pocket and heads over to his truck. He lets out a long sigh as he turns the ignition. He figures he better get a move on his errands and in getting to the liquor store.

He starts making his way everywhere in a haze. He had sensed the tension between Hailey and Adam since the other day when she broke up his op and Adam wouldn't drop it. Since then, something in Jay's gut just told him this was the end for their relationship. Part of him felt guilty over the amount of happiness it caused him, but the other part felt so bad for both of his friends… he can't stand to see Hailey hurt, and he knows Adam doesn't deserve to be either. He was definitely in an emotional conundrum.

Before he knows it, the hour has almost passed as he finds himself parked outside of Hailey's house. While every fiber in his being wants to walk in and tell Hailey he's happy about the breakup because she never belonged with Adam, she belongs with him, he knows now is just not the right time. Not to mention she'd probably look at him like he was crazy. No, he has to give it _some_ time… not much because he's felt like he's waited enough, but he's not a complete douche bag. He owes that much to Adam, despite the fact he knows the writing was on the wall for them for months. He's sure even though Adam thinks he was devoted to his relationship with Hailey, that Kim would always be in the back of his mind no matter who he's with… and he can only hope that he was on the back of Hailey's. Shit, they needed to get out more; things should never have gotten this complicated between them all! He tries to push this all out of his head as he turns his car off, his top priority right now is being there for Hailey in whatever way she lets him. He lets out another heavy sigh as he makes his way up to her door. When she opens it, he plasters his smile on and shows off the bottle of bourbon, hoping to be the rock for both of them right now.

* * *

Hailey was eternally grateful that for the first hour or so since Jay had come over, he just let them sit quietly enjoying each other's company while eating the pizza and having a beer. He didn't pry or even make an attempt to force her into talking about how she was feeling. Just sitting here like this with him, with someone who gets it, gets _her_ , eases her mind of these past months for a few brief moments. She wishes a sentiment like this could last forever.

She knows she's going to need to talk eventually, but before doing so, she's been trying to process all of her thoughts. She knows the conversation with Adam was the right call, still, it sucks. She could tell he was disappointed, but it's better for them, _all_ of them, to break the illusion before it went even further down the rabbit hole. Platt was right, and just reinforced what she's always known… at the end of the day, she would never care about Adam enough in THAT way to risk her career or their lives over. While dating and working together is complicated, her ' _but it's more than that'_ was always the real reason the two couldn't click enough to make it work. She knows Adam knows that, and thought of Kim… just like she thought of Jay when Platt was giving her the advice. She's not quite ready for admitting to wanting to go down that road yet, she owes it to everyone for the dust to settle some; but like she already told him, she knows Jay's the only one she'd follow blind- Intelligence be damned if it came down to it. Her and Jay are already so in sync though, (and even when they're not they rectify it better than most,) that she knows they could combine work and a relationship if they wanted to. But that's certainly a conversation for another time, if Jay even thought of her in that way… a girl could hope though!

"You should put some of that anti-septic lotion I bought on your thigh soon, it works wonders on cuts. Back in the army we always kept one on us while on the frontline just in case." Jay said now that they had finished eating, drifting her from her thoughts.

She smiled at him knowing he was being his over-protective self. "Thanks, I will soon, I promise. Don't worry, it's…"

"…Fine… Yea, I know." he finishes for her smirking.

She chuckles slightly and snuggles further into the couch, clutching a pillow to her chest. After a minute she senses him studying her and knows she should spill since he seems so thoroughly concerned about her.

"So, it was actually mutual, in case you were wondering."

He raises his brow at her, but doesn't say anything, waiting for her to get whatever she wants off her chest.

"I thought it would be harder, but he understood. Platt had come to check on me in the locker room before I left today and gave me some advice that I pretty much already knew; I had just been postponing the inevitable. She said that if I thought Adam was the one that I should make it work, but with the needle we were threading, one of us would have to leave Intelligence… and if we weren't willing for the sacrifice, then it's not worth risking our careers over. And as much as I do care about Adam, I knew it wasn't enough for that sacrifice… and I think he finally realized it too. It started out as fun and did develop into more, but not enough to keep us on the same page. Maybe you were right about nothing good coming from workplace romances, at least with ours…"

Hailey smiles sadly and shrugs, watching as Jay seems to tense up a little. He seems to try his best to leave a blank expression on his face as he contemplates his response. She can't help but feel hopeful that it means something.

"Yea, makes sense. Relationships at work can definitely be complicated. Do you think if you cared deeper about Adam… or someone else… it'd be worth the sacrifice though?"

It's now her turn to study Jay and analyze what he could really be feeling. She thinks she knows. The elephant's been in the room with them for months now, but both of their trepidations are justified. She tries to push down the nervous, but excited feeling before she attempts another concealed response.

"I think… there's more to it than that, yea. I think if I was really with 'the one' it wouldn't be a sacrifice… I think there wouldn't even be a predicament to sacrifice for…. And clearly, that person wasn't Adam. But maybe there will be someone, one day… and all of this will feel like a distant memory…"

She stares at him as he nods slowly. "Yea, that's a nice thought… do you think you know when that time might be?" he cautiously and quietly utters, staring back into her eyes.

She smiles back while biting her lip. "Not yet, but… hopefully soon…"

They continue their agonizingly long stare, understanding without having to say anything more. Once the timing is right, they're inevitable. Finally Hailey can't take it anymore and looks away awkwardly.

"I should probably go put some of that lotion on, I feel the advil starting to wear off." She says as she starts to stand up and head towards her bathroom.

"Yea, you should… I'm gonna turn the Stanley Cup on."

"Okay!" she yells back from the bathroom. She stares into the mirror and looks back into a face that did not foresee the events of today at _all_ … but she exhales deeply, for the first time in months feeling an enormous weight lifted off her shoulders. She's ready for whatever the future has in store, and instead of fearing it for a change, she's positively excited. She's going to owe Platt a drink once this is all over. She smiles at her reflection before grabbing the medicine and applying it, ready for a guilt-free hangout with her eventual _one_ …


	10. Chapter 10

_[A/N: I debated on whether to update this, or write another story in regards to the Upstead scene shown in the finale promo. As you can tell, this won out. Just some quick Hailey & crew thoughts on the results of 6x21. Sorry it's a short one, but wanted to keep it simple for whatever the finale has in store for our Upstead-ness ;p] _

* * *

The members of the Intelligence Unit are all sitting around a bar table together, attempting to nurse all their sorrows and fears and find some answers at the bottom of their beer bottles. Before Brennan's press conference aired it had been an extremely stressful day, after it, well it just catapulted everyone's stress. All of this considering Antonio and Adam haven't told any of the team members of _their_ predicament yet. Things are bad enough, no reason to bring the mood down even more without knowing what the future holds. Hailey is deep in her own thoughts, as is Jay, as they all kind of stare off into space. Kim is the first one to speak in a while.

"Guys, we actually have to face this reality soon. Kelton is about to be elected mayor, like _tomorrow_ … what are we gonna do if he breaks up Intelligence?"

"I can't go back to Patrol now, I just can't! Not after seeing how much good this unit has done for this City!" Kevin exclaims.

"You? I don't even know if I can do Patrol! We should have listened to Voight and got our Detective's badges last year!" Adam seconds.

"Let's not get hasty; I'm sure Voight has a plan. That man _always_ has a plan!" Jay tries to say reassuringly.

"I don't know. I think this time he may have used up all of his tricks for once… Brennan lying for him really puts a wrench in anything we had on Kelton." Antonio says as him and Adam share a look.

The only one who hasn't commented yet is Hailey. While she loves this unit with all of her heart, she can't help but think about what it being split up would do for her personally. If they're all parted, that means Jay will no longer be her partner, and romantically that alleviates a lot of her inner turmoil about how she really feels about him. She'd probably finally get the courage to fully admit to him (and herself) that she wants to be with him. However, on the other side of things, it would be just that- he'd no longer be her partner! And while she definitely may love the man, she surely loves having him as her partner. Working with him is one of the many things that's made Intelligence become her best job ever. She's trying to wrap her head around the amount of emotional conundrums she's had this past year. She wishes she could take a _long_ mental vacation.

"Maybe we're overreacting? Maybe Kelton won't split us up; maybe he'll just relocate us to another district together?" Hailey finally says.

"Even so, he's not going to let Voight anywhere near us. As demanding and intimidating he can be some times, he's still the best boss I've ever had… AND he gets the job done. I think we'd all take a bullet for him!" Kim says dejectedly and they all look at her solemnly in agreement.

Adam uses that as an opportunity to pound his beer in one long gulp and slam the empty bottle on the table along with his hands.

"Well, I need another! Who else wants one?" He asks looking around.

"Yea!" Kim and Kevin both say with obvious looks on their face.

"I'll come with you to the bar." Antonio says.

Jay looks at Hailey, silently questioning if she wants another too. She shakes her head at him.

"Count us out. We still have reports to write up." Jay says as he stands up with Hailey and they gather their things to leave.

"Night guys!" Hailey says softly with a sad smile.

Jay and her make their way out to his truck. They don't really have any work leftover at the district, but she's glad Jay understood that she had to get out of there. It was all much too depressing seeing their friends totally battered. Whatever's going to happen, there's not a whole lot they can do about it, except hope for the best. Otherwise, it's out of their (and apparently Voight's) hands. They take the time to just sit in Jay's truck for a while and try to decompress. She wishes she could get into his head right now, wondering if he's having the same thoughts as she is.

"Y'know, Antonio may really be right… Voight might have shown all his hands already." Jay says softly.

"Yea…" Hailey whispers back.

"Hailey…"

"Jay…"

They both say at the same time. Jay smiles at her. "You go."

"Jay whatever happens… I just… I want you to know, that you've been the best partner I've ever had. You'll always be…"

He turns his head in his seat to stare into her face, her eyes showing him such raw vulnerability. Maybe the most she's ever shown him, which says a lot over these past few months. He reaches out to grab her hand and softly rubs it with his thumb before speaking.

"Me too!.." he says so viscerally.

They both give each other a small nod in understanding without having to say anymore before Jay turns the key in the ignition to drive off. They _get it_ , they always did...


	11. Chapter 11

_[A/N: Well guys, we made it through Season 6, and while it didn't go as Upstead-well as a lot of us hoped- it was pretty EPIC! I think they're setup romantically for Season 7 quite nicely, provided the writers don't kibosh it again =p Anywho, without further ado, this chapter is for "Vanchi" who requested every major Upstead moment from the finale, and here it is- 6x22 Hailey & Jay time. Thanks so much for following along this story's journey with me, I am humbled and appreciative. You fellow Upstead peeps are AWESOME, never change! Can't wait to bring you more for next season, & hopefully some Summer stories along the way too. Thanks again and enjoy!] _

* * *

Hailey had such an adrenaline rush after pulling off a fake heist on a bunch of drug dealers. She was still feeding off the high and grateful that she could take a minute to joke around with Jay. There certainly haven't been a lot of lighthearted moments between them, _any_ of them, in a while. It was a nice reprieve for once.

"That was a $500,000 rip… that we, can't tell anyone about…" she says as she smiles at him. He chuckles with her slightly.

"And if this whole thing doesn't work we're gonna go back to writing traffic tickets."

"Would your sergeant at Organized Crime take you back?"

"Ha no, he holds grudges, he was so pissed when I left… Besides, I'm going where you go!"

That certainly stops her in her movements for a second. Did he really just say that to her so nonchalantly? She's a little taken aback, that's a pretty monumental comment for Jay Halstead to make. She knows she's meant a lot to him over the past couple years as a partner, friend… and maybe even a little something _more_ when she's in the right state of mind to acknowledge it; but never has he uttered it aloud. Maybe she's over thinking it, but it reminds her of when she told him she'd follow him blind, and she's well aware of the double-meaning it had coming from her mouth. Interesting…

"Yea?" she tries to say to him casually, a hint of shocked awe coming out.

"Yea, it's hard to find a good partner." He responds carefully.

She smirks, recognizing the well-calculated response all too well. "That sounds good to me!.. but we both know Kelton won't let any of us stay together…"

They glance at each other sadly while she says it. The moment is over before it even started though because it's then they hear the rest of their crew barreling in.

"Hell of a load, Sarge." They hear Kevin say as they turn away from each other.

Hailey swears she saw disappointment come across Jay's face once he realized they were interrupted, officially ending this conversation for now. She doesn't have a whole lot of time to analyze it though because once they unload the product, she and Jay are supposed to meet Kim to listen in on Wilson's wire. It's probably just as well, they really don't have a lot of time to dwell on personal things at the moment. It seems it's never the right time these days. Maybe next year things will settle down for all of them.

* * *

Jay and Hailey are staked out in the surveillance van, all of them hopeful they're finally gonna get their man, and destroy Kelton's reputation along with it. Jay's glad Voight paired them in the van today, if things somehow don't work out and Kelton rips the team apart, he intends to soak up every work (& non-work) moment with Hailey that he can get. He meant it when he told her he was going where she was going if allowed. He doesn't care if they get shipped to the border of Missouri surrounded by farmland and their only police action is finding a cow-tipper. He has no intent to lose Hailey, professionally or personally, and he knows he has to fess up to it soon before it's too late. As cliché as it is, he recognizes that time is flying and he needs to make it valuable before it runs out completely.

They hear Kim and Adam announce that they're holding down their positions, so Jay responds as well. "Copy. Solid eye on the front."

Jay senses Hailey glance at him and can tell she's going to say something. "About before Jay, if we really don't get to be partners anymore, I…"

She gets cut off as they start hearing a machine gun going off _really_ close to where their van is. They're just about to get up, Hailey grabbing her gun as they hear Voight yell, "Move, Go!" Before they can get any further though, the machine gun starts firing at _them_ , the bullets easily piercing through the van.

Jay reacts instantly and jumps on top of Hailey, grabbing her down with him to the floor. Somewhere in the distance he can recognize his own voice telling her to "Get down," but it sounds so far away because his thoughts right now are literally only about Hailey's safety and protecting her any way he can.

He remembers the hanging Kevlar vests and as he does his best to shield Hailey with his arms, he reaches up quickly to grab one without letting her go, and swiftly wrapping it around her. Once he's sure the majority of her back is covered, he wraps her head tight into his, praying he's blocking all of her vital parts in some form. He doesn't care what happens to him, as long as she's okay. He feels the van shake as the bullets continue to pierce through, and the noise is so loud it almost brings him back to his army days. Back then there was no one as valuable as Hailey to him to protect however. Finally, thankfully, as quickly as it started, the shooting ended. He leans back a little to look into Hailey's face. As shaken up as she looks, it seems like she's alright otherwise fortunately.

"You okay?" he quietly asks while still holding onto her.

"Yea, you?" she says, visibly shook as she stares back into his eyes.

"Yea…" he leans his forehead onto hers and pulls her in tighter if only just to relish in the moment that they both survived. Reflecting on it later, it will probably mean more than just that to both of them, but for now this is enough. Voight's voice breaks them through their momentary haze.

"Jay, Hailey, you good!?"

"We're good, we're good!" he yells back to his boss as he eases his hold on Hailey slightly, not ready to let her go fully just yet. He hears Voight tell them not to exit until it's all clear and figures that gives them some time for their nerves to settle. His heart is beating out of his chest solely for the thought that he could have lost her, here, right now, thanks to some asshole banger. Thanks to Kelton, whose threatening him losing her figuratively even more. Jay's jaw clenches in anger and Hailey notices the change in his mood instantly. She frees her arm from his embrace to grab his hand comfortingly.

"Hey, it's ok. We're ok… I'm ok!... thanks to you, Jay! I don't know what I'd do without you…" she says softly but quickly continues, "…always protecting me!"

He grips her hand harder as she says it and stares into her eyes seeing the emotion behind them. "Let's just hope it never comes to that!" It's the only response he manages to get in as Voight rips open the door just then to check on his detectives. They both haven't seen him looked so relieved in a long time. Jay begrudgingly pulls away from Hailey to help them both sit up. Kevin and Kim come running over to check on them as well and Jay does his best to put all his emotions aside. He turns to give Hailey one last glance and small smile before he exits the van to assist Antonio and Adam.

* * *

Hailey is sitting on top of her desk while some of them depressingly listen to the campaign news. It's been a hell of a day already and she's nervous to see what can possibly happen next. She's already gone through so many emotions and the sun hasn't even set yet. The one ray of light today had been Jay nonetheless, like it usually is. She still can't believe how he tried to save her without even a thought to his own safety. She expects nothing less from Jay Halstead, but the thought of potentially losing him again (especially if it was while protecting her) still sends shivers down her spine. If it wasn't for his quick thinking and reaction, they'd both probably be dead, and she's eternally grateful it didn't come to that. Speak of the devil, she sees him walking up the steps towards them and right past, looking visibly stunned and not even glancing her way. She can only imagine what's happened now as she hops down and follows him to the break room.

She finds him leaning over the sink clearly upset and her heart breaks a little seeing him like that. "Hey. What's going on?" she says, cutting right to the point.

"I have NO idea… Voight just left and he said something about … about me running the unit…" his voice drips with emotion as he responds. " _We lost_ …" he looks completely deflated as he says that last part and her heart breaks even more.

"If Kelton is who he is, his time for a reckoning is coming."

Jay scoffs, "Not in time for this unit… for us…"

There's only been a few instances he's looked at her this vulnerably while saying something, usually after a really bad case, or the time she confessed to him about Adam. She can't help but feel his _'for us'_ is the most loaded comment he's ever made to her. It's in his eyes that he means more than partners, but she's too self conscious, and there's _soo_ much going on right now, so she does the one thing she does best, she tries to deflect…

"We've only been partners a couple years, you'll forget about me just fine…" she hears herself say out loud, while her heart screams _please don't_ , and she's sure her eyes are revealing just that.

" _Hailey…_ " she watches him choke out her name and shake his head, and realizes she was wrong before, _this_ is now the most loaded thing he's ever said to her and she thinks she's going to break. He looks like he's about to say something more, but hesitates. She _knows_ though, she can see it in his eyes. Maybe she's always _known_. She's just run from it like a bat out of hell and she still doesn't know how to stop. He deserves more than she can give him right now. He deserves more than her. So she tries to deflect again. She kicks lightly into his foot, leaning in like a friend would when they're trying to playfully calm someone.

"We'll be alright…" she manages to stifle out, revealing that she's neither reassured herself, no matter how strong she's attempting to look. The sadness in both of their eyes is evident and it's the first time they're unsure of where things go from here for them. Jay swallows, looking like he wants to say something again, but even if he worked up the nerve; they're interrupted again before he can. They hear Platt talking and instantly know something else is up and make their way to the bullpen. Little did they know it was all about to become even worse…

* * *

It's a little after dawn when Jay is finally about to make his way to his bedroom to catch some semblance of sleep. It was a day from complete hell and once they all left the precinct they decided to part ways and just sulk in it on their own. And by 'they,' just Hailey, Kim, Kevin, and himself… With Ruzek in jail, Antonio's cryptic departure once Adam got arrested, and Voight off God knows where, they were literally all who was left. Even Hailey and him decided to just go their separate ways once word came out that Kelton had in fact been elected after all they did in spite of it. Then _the_ call came over the radio a little after 10… Kelton was dead and their whole world changed yet again. They all had their suspicions, but no one dared utter them. It wasn't until 5:30 in the morning that Jay finally left the crime scene. The few of Intelligence left all went their separate ways again in hopes of some shut eye.

When Jay finally got back home, he chugged two beers instantly. He hadn't had much time to reflect at all that in this one day alone he almost lost Hailey, almost died himself, had a scary heart-to-heart with Voight that just brought him more turmoil, watched his coworker and friend go to jail, nearly vomited at the thought of that smug asshole becoming mayor, nearly vomited again after seeing his lifeless body- leaving more answers in its wake, and _almost_ told Hailey how he really felt about her. He guesses now that he has time to think about it, he kind of did, even if not vocally. If jumping on top of her during a hail of bullets wasn't enough of a giveaway, he could tell she knew in the break room. He just couldn't get the words out though. Now he can't help but wonder if she would have reacted differently if he could. What he _wanted_ to do was grab her and tell her that even in a million lifetimes he could never forget her. That she is and always was more than just a partner to him despite his best efforts to fight it. That she's his best friend and that he can't picture his life without her. That he's so hopelessly in love with her he doesn't even know how to speak anymore. That's what he should have done, but it was neither the time nor the place. He knows she must have got it though, _she always gets him_. It's then he hears a soft knock on his door and while a normal person would wonder who it could be at this hour, after this day, he knows it's going to be her before he even looks.

He pulls his front door back and takes a moment to just stare at her, so sad and beautiful. She gives him one of her cheerless frowns.

"I just didn't want to be alone…" is all she says, so simply and nonchalantly.

"Come in." he tells her as he nods back, he gets it. He always has. They _get each other_. He's never had that with anyone else in his life and it delights and scares the life out of him. He closes the door softly behind him and watches her back as she makes her way to his couch. Both have no idea where things will go from here, but it doesn't take a detective to figure out their relationship already has and will change drastically with the upcoming months. They'll just have to be patient and wait and see…

* * *

**To Be Continued... _Season 7, baby_**

**Author's Note:**

> [A/N: This is basically my take on what is going on with Upstead (& Upzek) in the show. I feel that the actors and writers are trying to convey that Hailey & Jay have feelings for each other, but Adam is one of the many obstacles now with a whole different set of feelings. I think the Upzek "relationship" was/is the catalyst to make Jay realize he has feelings for Hailey... But I find Hailey's perspective the most intriguing since she's a character that does her best to hide her emotions... and I think her true feelings lie with Jay (ie: how emotional she got after he got shot, then getting drunk & sleeping with Adam to forget, and how much it upset her to confess to Jay) So I wanted to explore that a little. To be determined if I'll continue this specific story as the show goes on, we shall see. But I'm definitely fascinated by Hailey & Jay's thoughts... two very emotionally-guarded characters I enjoy writing for.]


End file.
